


why’d you leave me?

by theoldthetruethebrave



Category: Asoiaf - Fandom, Game of Thrones (TV), Jonsa - Fandom
Genre: F/M, jonsa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 17:02:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19977493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoldthetruethebrave/pseuds/theoldthetruethebrave
Summary: After six years, spring has arrived and winter has melted. But not all the cold inside of Sansa Stark has left, and the hurt is still raw. Why did he leave?Inspired by the song All I Want by Kodaline.





	why’d you leave me?

If you loved me, why’d you leave me?

It was the first rain of spring. In the Godswood, it trickled down crimson coloured leaves, ran down branches and the side of Sansa’s face, like tears. It drummed on her head, landed in the palms of her hands. 

Jon Snow would be coming today. On strictly political matters concerning the Night’s Watch of course, he made that abundantly clear in his letter, the shiny black words flying out from the parchment like dark birds to swarm around her. 

The turquoise coloured sky started to turn grey as Sansa closed her eyes. Six years. Six years. Six years. She repeats the two words over and over, almost as if trying to convince herself of them. But it has been six years. Six years since she’s seen his face. 

She did all that she could to bring him back to her. Sent letters to Bran-King Bran, now-asking him to pardon Jon, and after about seventeen ravens he agreed. But Jon wouldn’t budge. He gave a very brief letter thanking Sansa for her efforts, but insisted on staying serving the Watch. 

Sansa knows why. Why the shame hung on his skin like a dark, heavy cloak, one that he could never take off. What happened six years ago plays before her eyes like a bad dream. The Night King, the Dragon Queen, everything. And how she watched the only man she truly loved turn into a husk of himself.

Shivering, she wipes the rain from her face, buries her cold fingertips in her long dress pockets. Rain has started to puddle around her feet. She could see her reflection in them, in fragments. 

Behind her, she heard a twig snap. Narrowing her eyes and flinching with alarm, she looks behind her but sees nothing. She sighs, smoothing down her skirts. It’s a bad habit of hers-being terrified of anything that moves. Grabbing onto a wet tree branch, about to pull herself up and walk back to the castle, something makes her stop, freeze, even. 

“Sansa” 

The voice made her choke. Made pins and needles stab through her skin until she buckled over, tightening her grip on the branch to steady herself.

Shaking, she takes a deep, shaky breath in. It felt like her lungs were made of glass. “Jon?”

He was standing in front of her, almost awkwardly. He still looked the same, as if he hadn’t changed at all. Even had Ghost at his side, running to Sansa as soon as Jon lifted his hand from his back. Sansa couldn’t help but smile as she ran her hands through the direwolf’s coarse white fur. It’s been a while since she saw those deep red eyes. 

“My apologies, your Grace, I should’ve...” Jon scrambles to his knees to bow, but Sansa shakes her head. 

“Don’t, Jon”

He stands back up, stares at her for a moment, as if trying to convince himself that she’s real. “It’s raining. You should head inside. You might get a cold”

Sansa raised her eyebrows. “A cold?”

“Aye” Jon nodded up to the sky, where dark grey clouds started to mark the sea of dark blue like birthmarks. “A storm is coming, I think”

“Six years” Sansa suddenly blurted, surprising the two of them. “Six years, Jon”

He closes his eyes, winces, as if her words gave him physical pain. 

Despite herself, Sansa’s vision began to blur from tears. The rain started to fall harder; thunder cracked overhead.

“Let’s go inside and speak, Sansa” Jon opens his eyes, not able to meet hers. “Please”

“You can’t even look at me” Sansa’s hands started to shake. She felt like the thunder from above was coming from inside of her chest. “Why...why did you leave me?”

Jon releases a heavy breath. “Sansa, you don’t need me. You-“

“You’re right” Sansa suddenly snapped, lifting her hand from Ghost’s fur. She picks up her skirts and turns away from Jon, towards the castle. “I don’t”

“Wait, Sansa” Jon has to jog to catch up to her. He grabs her forearm, and gently tugs her towards him. Sansa has no choice but to look upon those deep brown eyes, the eyes that she fell in love with all those years ago, the eyes that she never stopped yearning to see. 

Rain is matting her hair to her face. Jon brushes a strand away from her eyes. 

“I couldn’t...” Jon begins, his voice heavy. “I broke my promise. That’s why”

“I told you that you couldn’t protect me” Sansa says. “But I didn’t need you to. All I needed was...” she pauses, not knowing how to form the words. 

“What?” Jon asks softly, his voice barely heard over the rain. 

“Seeing you with her...” she shakes her head. “It was torture”

Jon’s lower lip trembles. “I know. I know”

“No, you don’t” Sansa says. “You kept me in the dark for so long. You put your trust in strangers and-“

“Millions died because of it” Jon finishes. He is standing so close to her that Sansa could see the harsh lines of grief and torment etched in his face. He does look a lot older now, more worn, she realizes. “I couldn’t sleep for weeks after that happened”

“Neither could I”

“Sansa, no matter what happens between us, I-I just want you to know that for six years all I could think about was you. No matter what I did to take my mind off of it...I...”

“Shh, Jon, it’s okay” Sansa says, cupping his face with her hand. “It’s okay”

Jon starts to shake and it took Sansa a moment to realize he was sobbing. Shocked, she pulls back, about to give him his space, but Jon grabs at her shoulders, pulls her closer. They gaze into each other’s eyes as lightning stabs through the sky like a great, glowing sword. 

Sansa leans forward and kisses him, a warmth erupting inside of her body. He tastes like tears, like heartache, and, like spring. Like hope.


End file.
